Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
