remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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