your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
