the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
