Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize