guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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