I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
