It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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