i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
