I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
