we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's shark week go big or go home
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
