Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
