so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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