I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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