I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
