did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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