You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
