i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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