Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize