My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
