I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
