you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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