I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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