I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
