he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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