ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
