i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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