Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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