Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
