I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
