dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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