dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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