Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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