Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
