he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
