White coat. Heels.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
