I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
