That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
