In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize