I'm so fucking centered right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
