Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
