that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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