Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
