YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
