Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
