There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
