i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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