Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
