You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
