It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize