My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
