You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
