Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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