Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
