I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize