never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
