How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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