i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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