He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
