Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize