I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
