Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
