she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
