the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
