This house was built for laser tag.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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