I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
