so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize