I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When did angry sex become our thing?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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