How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize