Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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