At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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