you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize