took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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