Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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