she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
