i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
