when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
