Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
