Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
