why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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