I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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