Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize