You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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