dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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