fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
