Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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