I'm lost and stupid without you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
