That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
