I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
