dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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