A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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