North Korea, Best Korea!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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