dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize