I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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