i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
