3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
