when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
