I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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