I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
