well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
