NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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