I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
