i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
