I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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