Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
