Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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