I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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