Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize