I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
