Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
