I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You pole danced in your parka.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
